glory.

i found this print on etsy.
and i knew instantly that it was meant for me.

so many of you have been so gracious and loving about our decision to adopt davis.
but i can also read some of you--you're a little afraid for us, thinking that maybe we are taking on more than we can handle or worrying about us taking such a big risk.

i hear you.
i think about all of those things too.

but.
(you knew there was going to be a 'but', didn't you?)

my eyes have been opened and i cannot turn away.
this problem is real.
these children are real.
they need loving families to believe in them, to imagine what they can be, what they will be, and to be willing to sacrifice for them.

i know this to be true because having ben, having a sister-in-law with down syndrome, i see the prejudice first hand.
believe it or not, we live in a country that still does not give people with special needs the same respect and rights as everyone else.
parents and families still fight the fights for their children.
and in eastern europe, these children are not even considered a part of society.
they are shut away and thrown away.

and i just refuse to accept that, close down my computer and make myself a sandwich.
i just cannot.

and so we will plow through this stack of documentation and paperwork.
we will visit our bank four times a week getting documents notarized.
we will drive to birmingham and get fingerprinted.
we will continue to do all the things we have to do to rescue our boy.

a few weeks ago i wrote an email to some very close friends. in it i said:
"isn't this crazy? i have thought so many times about doing this. we just have always had the feeling that our family wasn't complete but couldn't decide on having another child.
then one random day i read this quote:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others" - from Marianne Williamson's book, A Return To Love

the sentence "your playing small does not serve the world." about killed me. i talked to john about reece's rainbow again. i showed him davis' picture and he said "let's go get him."
and that was that.

i keep thinking i can pretend that all these little events in my life have just been ironic--john's sister jenny (who has DS), having ben, starting a blog, "meeting" other bloggers with kids with DS, finding reece's rainbow,...
or maybe, just maybe, i could start opening my eyes and following His plan for me. what He is willing me to do.
it's not just ironic. it's God's will.
i have to trust in Him.
i have the want but i keep pushing it away. i swallow it back down again because maybe it just doesn't taste very good or it isn't what i want right now.
but my "playing small does not serve the world." it will not save davis' life.
and so i'm going to obey.
and just writing that here gives me such a peace. it's so hard to describe.

we are going to obey."

we are going to obey. we are going for the GLORY. we are going for HIS glory.