love.

i've been thinking an awful lot about love.

not the cheesy steamy cheap paperback kind--love of the deepest, haunting, hurt your guts, most supernatural kind.
the real deal.
the kind of love that comes with seeing that first heartbeat on an ultrasound, watching your father and oldest son belly laugh together, seeing the beauty that comes with end of a sacred life.

my friend angie passed away this weekend.
she was a kindred spirit in every sense of the word.
we shared many stories, many cups of coffee, many hearty laughs, and even a few hairdos.

there is an emptiness inside of me, not because we were so incredibly close--we weren't--but because it is overwhelming to think of someone so vibrant, so spunky, so alive...now gone from this world.

i am having trouble coming to grips with the despair her family must be feeling.
her three children, motherless.
her husband, a widower.

and then this morning, as the emails about her funeral arrangements began circulating, i read something that her amazing husband wrote and it stirred my heart and awakened my spirit and all at once i began to shake my head and cry. 
even in her death, she wanted to spread the GOOD NEWS.

"And I want to thank you - for all the food, for the kind words, for offering or taking the kids, for being with Ang when needed, but mostly for your prayers.  I didn't get that miraculous healing I was asking for, but maybe I got something better:  God has become more real to me, I KNOW God cares about us, and more than ever I believe God is good.

And I hope you've gotten something out of this - that your relationship with Christ has strengthened and deepened.

I think Angie would believe all that is worth what she went through.

In a paraphrase of Philippians 1:20, we eagerly expect and hope we will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in our body, whether by Angie's life or death.

May the peace of my LORD Christ Jesus be upon you all, Nick"

peace be with you.

xo.