it's only been six months.

let's get this blog updated why don't we!

let's start with the obvious:  i am still healing.
it is taking much, much longer than i ever expected.
and if i'm being completely honest with you, i still look at davis' picture almost every day.
i look straight into his little face and i apologize for failing him.
that's how i feel--like i could have worked harder or completed my paperwork faster or pushed myself in some other way--to get to him faster.
i almost can't believe it all happened, like it's a bad nightmare that i can't seem to shake.
i'm working on it.

we received our invitation to travel to jude's country in early august.
unfortunately, his paperwork was not ready yet so we had to miss our appointment.
major bummer.
we hope to be able to travel in november now!
deep breath and fingers crossed!
if you could pray for putin to go away and leave all neighboring countries alone forever, i would be so grateful.

so many wonderful things have been happening in our family.
the children all returned to school!  (see what i mean?  wonderful!)
josh started middle school/junior high and has amazed me with how well he transitioned.
he is such a good kid, even though he struggles with keeping up with his homework and helping out around the house.
but then again, what 12 year old doesn't, right?

anna started fifth grade and is doing great.
she is crazy about her science class and the fact that she recently was named the class "reptile manager".
perfect.

like josh, ben changed schools too, continuing with our city's special education program.
the first week or so was Rough.
with a capital R.
but now, oh man.
now, he's found his groove and he is loving his new class.
we have all settled in and it feels so good to be back in a rhythm again.

john is going back to school to get another master's degree.
overachiever, that one.
i can barely find enough energy to get a shower every day.
he's out getting degrees.
nuts.

we got a new dog.
his name is tater and he's a goof ball.
i think i like him.
even though he pees all over my house and i keep repeating, "why can't i have anything nice?!!"

miss kitty still isn't sure about him*.
he pounces on her every chance he can get.
*might have something to do with it.

i'm getting tired of typing (tragedy! i've obviously lost my blogging stamina!).
so quickly...
josh quit football.  (too much practicing, all the days and nights.......)
anna is playing volleyball (loves it.  she's a beast.)
ben is playing soccer (so far -- meh.)
i still wanna own my own store. (no $. story of my life.)
i'm obsessed with the show fixer upper.
joanna gaines.
oh my lawd.

i think that's about it.
it's just a little summary that i'm not really proud of but hey, i wrote it.
and we lived it.
and now i'm gonna hit publish and give myself some grace.

january observations.

here we are at january 19th already.
january is always a blur.
the hoopla of the holidays is behind us and i think we all crave the stillness and pause of january.
the kids are getting back into the swing of things and i've welcomed routine back into our home with open arms.
except for homework.
homework is never welcomed with open arms.
ever.
i digress.
i'm kinda in the mood for writing a list of all my january daily notes so here goes:

--all three kids brought home great report cards.  i'm so proud of them.

--anna has been having some emotional outbursts lately.  either she's jealous of the boys, or seeking attention, or both.  i have a feeling her hormones are going wild.  i don't know how mothers with lots of daughters handle it.  (i'm talking to you, danielle farley!)

--i would pay someone to trim ben's finger and toenails.  i have done it for almost seven years now and i've finally had enough.  i'm sourcing it out.  interested parties apply within.

--josh and john are twins.  it's terrifying at times.  and wonderful at other times.  but mostly terrifying.

--i'm freezing.  i'm counting down the days until spring rolls in.  winter is not my favorite.

--i was on pinterest the other day and i was loving every single thing on there.  i even said out loud "this is the best pinterest board ever!  i love it all!"  and then i realized i was on my own pinterest board.  i'm a dork.

--is blogging over?  i notice less and less blogs still going strong.  that makes me feel so sad.  but here are a few of my favorites lately, all new to me, very different and very, very beautiful:

the beetle shack
heart handmade
shine
me and alice
hello from the natos

--i have found myself in situation after situation, over the past year or so, where i just can't imagine getting through things without help from the Lord.  nothing in my own simple mind can make sense of things without Him.  i think about times in my life where i sinned, failed, made terrible choices, etc. and in each situation, i felt like i was in control.  so foolish.  now i feel like i am never in control, that nothing is ever possible without God.  and there is a peace that comes over me like i've never known.  and this peace is grace.  maybe i'm just now getting it, but man, I GET IT.  and it is such relief.

--i love lists.  they make me happy.

that is all for today.
c'mon spring.

our life. today.

ben is obsessed with the gummi bear song on youtube.
and the show pocoyo, especially the camping episode.
and the scene in the movie 'cars' where mater and lightning mcqueen go tractor tippin--only that one scene.
he can now write his name pretty well and shocked us all by writing it on my shopping list.
he climbs in our bed every single night and sleeps best when he's next to us.
to be completely honest, i love this and i hate this, at the same time.
i miss sleeping through the night and i miss sleeping next to john.
hoping this is a phase and it will pass soon!

anna walks around the house singing the national anthem all the live long day.
"oooohh, say can you see...."
it's cute.
she's cute.
i love hearing her sing.
acting class is over so she's only taking gymnastics now.

she hates reading but loves when i read to her.
we just finished "little house in the big woods" and are starting "the indian in the cupboard".
i love "the indian in the cupboard".
i read it in 4th grade too, and it has stayed with me all this time.
same with the book "the yearling"--i remember thinking "the yearling" seemed like such a big book for me, but i loved it so much.
tell me you've read both of these!  so good.

josh has been sick off and on all week, maybe the stomach flu.
he comes in our room in the middle of the night and says "help me!"
scares me to death.
but usually he just needs some tylenol and a hug.
i am so sad that he's going to miss his last football game today.
he's been running a fever all night and feels horrible.
i see lots of couch time, naps and snuggles today...if he'll let me. ;)

i went to the thrift store yesterday and found some good buys.
i couldn't believe it, but i only bought clothes.
these dang kids have each grown a foot! from last year, not exaggerating, so they each need all new pants and shirts and coats.
ben is wearing almost all of josh's size 7 hand-me-downs.
anna and josh are both on the borderline where they could wear adult clothing in an extra small or a kids extra large.
my nine year old is wearing a girls 14-16.
what the what??

it seems like it's turned from summer to fall/winter overnight.
this morning there was frost everywhere and our back steps were slippery.
most of our plants bit the dust from the frost, and the grass is starting to turn yellow again.
we actually grew a few gourds in our "garden" and they are ready to cut and add to the pumpkins on the porch.

i have been thinking about Christmas all week long--what gifts to buy, how i want to decorate, cleaning up and clearing out.
simplify, simplify, simplify.
we are only two months away.
sounds crazy, but i'm excited.

march, april and may. the recap.

march and april came and went.
ben turned SIX and we went to the beach.
it was chilly most of our time there but still, we were together doing practically nothing.
glorious.

josh turned ELEVEN and decided, for the first time, that he wanted one big gift instead of a birthday party. (the kids get to choose one or the other but not both)
he chose a paint ball gun.
heaven help me.



anna turned NINE and had a sleep over.
only one girl stayed until morning.
these girls and the drama.



josh gave up baseball and asked to play soccer instead.
he loves it and is learning more and more each practice.
it's amazing how much happier he is.

anna is still playing softball and doing gymnastics.
she hit her first home run a few weeks ago, and just this week, she hit a GRAND SLAM!
she also learned how to do a one-handed cartwheel and a front hand spring.
and had some art in the art show again.



ben has learned so much this year.
he's talking so much more and understands so much.
his favorite toys are a beach ball and a half of a pool noodle that he drags everywhere--our makeshift bat and ball for inside the house.
he can hit that ball like a champ!



he's learning to bump a volleyball and kick into a soccer goal too.
sitting still is not his specialty!



when we were at the beach in march, we found a house on the bay that we fell in love with.
we have spent years dreaming about owning a place at the gulf but everything was still too expensive and out of our reach.
when we found this little cottage, it felt like home in so many ways that it honestly surprised me.
and when we couldn't get it out of our minds, we decided to take a chance.
we are now proud owners of a little periwinkle cottage on mobile bay.





yesterday was davis' SIXth birthday.
even though the situation with russia is still unknown, he is still so much a part of our family.
what i wouldn't do to be there with him.
i pray he was celebrated and showered with love!
thank you all for remembering him in your prayers.

we are in the midst of end of the year school parties and awards ceremonies.
next week is the last week of school and then summer is officially here.
i can't wait for the slower pace and for all the activities to be over.
we are all craving some down time and a nice long break from all the crazy.
just one more week...

sickies.

i had every intention of blogging about josh's camp trip but then i couldn't find the pictures on my computer.
then i realized that some network stuff on my computer was hosed up.
then i realized that i couldn't get to the folder where all my pictures are.
then....well, it's a mess.
and i'm hoping john can fix it soon.

in the meantime, both josh and i have come down with the sickies.
poor josh stayed up all night long coughing and feeling yucky.
finally, at like 4:30 am, he walked down to our room and curled up on the floor next to my bed.
i asked him what was wrong and if he was alright, and all he could say was, "please help me."
:(

i made him a cup of hot water with lemon juice and honey in it.
it soothed his throat and cough long enough for him to finally get a few hours of rest.
we took him to the doctor this morning and now he's on antibiotics and bedrest.
he looks so pitiful.
i'm still not well, but i feel great compared to him.
my poor little man.

let's see, what else is new?
ah yes, the adoption.
the good news is, davis' family members signed the consents!
the bad news is, his name was misspelled (or not fully written out/hard to tell with the translation) and they will each need to be resigned.
i know.
it's insane.
it's unbelievable.
it is.
but we are still making progress and because of that, we celebrate each and every step.

on top of that news, we are now required to take some very costly training prior to court--the cost just keeps adding up. 
so, we are planned another fundraiser for our adoption.

lots of gracious friends are donating items that YOU will have a chance to win.
if you would like to donate something, please email me!
we will gratefully accept any and all.
and if you have any great ideas of things you would like to win, please let me know that too.
we want this to be fun and full of enticing, lovely items!

well i guess that's it for today.
josh needs some tissues and my stomach is growling.
plus, i'm out of coffee.
time to refuel and rest.
and stock up on lysol.

hope your weekend is wonderful.
xo.

slow down.

LIFE.
man, it just seems to buzz by at the speed of light, doesn't it?
i mean, surely it was just friday.
and now here i sit, in the last few hours of sunday, with my halloween lights on outside and the steelers playing on tv next to me...and i seriously could swear it was just the fourth of july.

and we are all so busy.
school work,
projects,
gymnastics,
softball,
house repairs,
field trips,
birthday parties,
dress up like this on this day and this on this day and come have lunch at school and bring a special snack and don't forget to send in this or that...................

make.


it.


stop!


even tonight josh was lamenting the fact that tomorrow was the beginning of another long and busy week.
he's only 10 years old but he feels it too, the need for an escape from the every day, the full-speed-ahead that we fill our lives with.

this week i'm going to play catch up here on the blog.
all the stuff that needs to be documented for us.
up first, josh's big field trip to sleepaway camp.
yep, sleepaway camp. cue the eerie halloween music!

everyone survived, including john.
:)

school's in.

my mind is full of things i want to write about.
at night, as i'm trying to fall asleep, i type blog posts in my head, trying to remember what i should say in the morning...as i slowly...drift off...
and our lives have been very FULL these past two weeks or so.  you would think i have lots to say!

but for whatever reason, as soon as i sit down to the computer and see the cursor blinking on a blank page, i can't do it.
i freeze up, i get all clammy, something just isn't jiving.
i just can't...write.
the thoughts are gone and the details evaporate.
and this poor ol' blog sits all empty and sad like.


writer's block?
i really don't know but i'm working on it.
in fact, i'm forcing myself to at least talk about the beginning of school because let's face it, this blog is for my family and they deserve to have that memory documented.

josh started fifth grade, anna started third, and ben kindergarten, this school year.
having all three in a full day of school has been strange.
i know it's just one hour more for ben, but in the afternoons i feel like i'm missing something since he's not there.
and the school day feels so long for such a little baby.
except that he's not little.
and he's not a baby.
hand me the kleenex, would ya?

the annual bus stop picture.

josh and anna are loving school.
and i'll take it for now because we all know the hard stuff hasn't even started yet.
this week josh has two tests so i know it's all coming...the hard stuff i mean--the tears and the whining.
maybe this will be the year he figures out how to plan ahead!
ah, i guess we'll figure it all out.

anna has the same teacher josh had in third grade so i understand her routine and the expectations already. 
i think once she gets in the groove of things, she will be fine.
the hardest part for her this year so far has been making new friends and i'll proudly tell you that she befriended a little girl that just moved here and they've been sticking together for the most part.
i've heard so much about her and can't wait to meet her.

ben has a new teacher and a new classroom and pretty much all new friends.
he seems completely oblivious to all of the change and has pretty much just EMBRACED it.
now there's a lesson to learn from if i ever did see one!
his new teacher and aides seem lovely and so far, so good.

ben and mrs. lisa chill on the first day of kindergarten.

i can't wait to see him progress this year.
we narrowed down his services to speech twice a week for 30 minutes, PT and OT once a week.
i think that's what's on his IEP. 
honestly, i barely keep track anymore.
this is a big step for me--not focusing on the details, not obsessing over what is good/better/best, but instead going with the gut feeling that everything's working well when he's at his happiest.
and right now, thankfully, he's very happy.
this combination is working great.
so yay.

so maybe now i'll be able to get back in the swing of posting on a regular basis.
i sure hope so--i've missed y'all something awful.
:)

our 4th.

our fourth of july was pretty low key.
josh is in new jersey on a fishing trip with my dad.
anna played with our neighbor's daughter all day.
and turns out, ben is now petrified of fireworks.
i spent most of the night cuddling and consoling him.
after he fell asleep, john and anna sat outside setting off smoke bombs and little bitty fireworks, and i stayed inside, on the sofa, with a big glass of wine and a movie.

there you have it.
no pretty pictures, no special party food, nothing spectacular.
but for a wednesday, it was still nice to be home.
so i'll take it!

by the way, i am missing my big boy like crazy.
i had a weird moment tonight while i was fixing dinner--i fixed five plates only to realize that there were only four of us here.
pretty sure he's not missing us much.
especially after this picture landed in my inbox.

mom's day.

on mother's day, we decided to have a "ma spa" for nana.
it was a grand-ma spa!

first nana soaked her feet in some warm water and then anna jean rubbed her feet with lotion.
then anna did nana's makeup and painted her fingernails and toenails.
(am i losing you with all the nana, anna, anna, nana talk?  stay with me)

why yes, i do have a ridiculous amount of nail polish.
and i barely ever paint my nails.
i'm a dork like that.


then josh interviewed nana.
he asked her what her favorite movie, flower, food, book...was. 
he recorded her answers so he would always know.
sweet right?
uh huh.
then he read her a poem that he wrote her earlier in the day.
the poem wasn't about flowers or sunshine or love.
it was about worms and how he is better than anna and how he likes to go fishing (i think?!).

he's a mess.
but he's a funny mess.
i could barely snap these pics i was laughing so hard.

then anna sang nana a song she wrote just for her and we served her special nana snacks.
kind of like scooby snacks but much, much better.
especially those petit fours.
i wanted to eat all the chocolate ones.

 it was such a special afternoon.
the kids were proud to make it all about their nana.
and i was happy to keep it low key but meaningful.

i hope she loved it as much as i did.

your makeup looked fab, nan!
hee hee.

i've written many, many times about how close my mom and i are.
she is a nut.
and i love her so much.
so do the kids--she is a wonderful grandmother!

mom's day rocks.
why don't we have mom's day every month?
sign me up.

treading water.

life has been very busy.
i am trying my best to stay afloat.
end of the year activities at school, sports, deadlines at work...they are eating my lunch.
blogging has fallen to the bottom of the long list, and really, i am sorry for that.
my blog is where i document all the details of our lives.
and i don't want to forget the things that are happening now--it's those little things that i love re-reading later!

so i hit up the camera memory card again.
what kinds of things have we been up to?

well, for starters, we sold ALL of josh's bedroom furniture!
we listed it on craigs list, on a whim, and in a blink it was gone.
now we are scrambling to decide what to do...what color should we paint the walls, what furniture should we buy, where is josh going to sleep for now??!?
we even sold his mattresses!

i am trying to decorate realistically and with a small budget in mind, trying to reuse what we have already and not spend any more than we got for his furniture.
it is proving to be tough to do that!

i have been doing some little crafts here and there to keep myself busy.
like these placemats for instance.

i found the placemats for a couple of dollars at a discount store but wanted to do something fun with them.
i decided to stencil the children's names on each one and they turned out so cute.
i may try to do a bigger stencil on the other side--i think it needs to be just a bit bigger.
but still, so cute and easy and cured my crafting bug for the day.

yesterday was ben's preschool graduation and the teachers did a great job at putting on a show for us.
ben actually stayed on stage the entire time and seemed like he enjoyed himself!
ben goes to a preschool that has children of all abilities so it is a real challenge for the teachers to keep the kids involved and together as one group.
it was a real success all around!

my baby boy is going to kindergarten next year.
we have decided to put him in a developmental kindergarten and to take our time with school.
there's no rush and he needs the one on one time that he will receive there.
i could write lots and lots more about that but i have to run.
maybe the decision process deserves its own post anyway!