i deserve this

Sometimes I have to ask myself: what did I do to deserve this?
When people ask questions like, “How severe is he?” or “What he is able to do?”
I find myself wondering what my life would be like if John and I didn’t want to have a third child.
What would our lives we like if we never had Ben?
Let me tell you, that's one tough question to swallow.

It only takes one little smile to explain it all.


God had different plans.
And He knew that my life WOULDN'T BE AS FULL if Ben wasn’t here with us.

Right now, today, I find myself wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t have Ben.
Would I have as much hope, love, compassion, acceptance?
I doubt it.

I see it all around me still.
People just like the old me, struggling to ask questions about Ben, afraid to be around a smiley, happy-go-lucky kid who just wants to be loved.

As much as anything else in my life that I know to be true, I know that God gave me Ben so I could see the beauty in people of all shapes and sizes and abilities.

He told me that I deserve this.

And it is so good.