Thursday, July 29, 2010

ups and downs

the kiddos are all in bed asleep and i find myself rushing to the computer tonight.
i need some down time.
what a week--full of so many ups and downs.

john's been gone again. so it's been super early mornings and very late nights mixed in with broken sleep. not a great combo for a momma on her own.

ben's been having some outbursts, throwing his cup, showing frustration because he doesn't get what he wants, etc.
it hasn't been pretty.

i have to remind myself: this is not down syndrome. this is a toddler who can not verbalize what he wants yet and this too will pass.

sometimes i think it's almost easier for me to blame things on down syndrome, almost excuse a bad behavior or let him get away with not doing something, and assume it because he has an extra chromosome.

i forget sometimes that that's a bunch of bullshit and i need to get up or stop what i'm doing and explain it to him over again.
i'm his mom and it's my job to teach him--not expect him to know or assume he does--i need to teach him until he understands.
he will get it.
down syndrome will not be an excuse.
for anything.

you're darn skippy.

luckily, the older kids have been pretty much angels all week.
and my parents have really been huge helps picking josh and anna up from camp, fixing supper, watering my plants that i keep forgetting to take care of, etc.
so that has been awesome.

i've had an off-site meeting most of the week too, but thankfully that was one of today's ups. it's a rare treat to work face to face with most of the folks and so when we have these kinds of meetings, the work is fast-paced and exciting.
it reminds me why i always wanted to work at nasa.
plus, let's be honest here, some of these visiting folks are men in uniform and that's always a treat.

ok, so where was i?

long days, no sleep, three kids, one tired momma...

so here's the kicker. a major downer.
i hesitate to write this here, have even deleted this a few times, but i have to get it out.

a very close friend of mine is going through mega marriage problems.
to make a long story short, she had a secret affair for several years and she and her husband are trying hard to work it out.

i am friends with both husband and wife which complicates things a bit.
i've been struggling to make sense of all the details and also how to deal with all of this bloody mess.

when i say "bloody" i don't say it like i have an british accent all of a sudden.
i say it because there are so many broken hearts and wounded souls in this situation that it could be considered a war zone.

infidelity is bad. i hate it. it does bad things and ruins lives- past, present and future.

i feel like i could go on and on and on about all the senselessness but honestly there's no point. i've talked it 'till i'm blue in the face.

but the crazy thing is my friend is like a drug addict with this affair.
i swear, the relationship is like a drug. and she's completely addicted to the way it makes her feel, the false sense of security it gives her, the confidence she gets from the other man.
she is completely aware of the pain she is inflicting on everyone around her.
but she can't stop. she wants it, needs it, chooses the broken life that comes along with it.

it's a war zone.

nothing i can say or do can change the way she feels. and it's killing me.

it's so hard to watch someone you really love ruin their life and choose a relationship that is so toxic.

God, i feel sick just writing all this. but it is weighing so heavily on my mind tonight that the words just keep coming and my fingers just keep typing.

have any of you been in this situation or know of any advice? what would you do if your friend was going down this road? what advice do you give to someone who doesn't really want advice?

i'm trying to be a friend, mostly because i love her and want to help, but also because i believe that marriage is important. it's a promise, a big promise that she gave to her husband and to God. it's a lifelong union. and most of all, it's a sacrament.

so what to do? (tapping fingers on keyboard...)
i need to sleep on it.

thanks for listening my dear friends.
thanks for listening to my ups and downs and all arounds.
you are a great listener.

i promise tomorrow's post will be much lighter--pictures of giggling children with rainbows and smiles and puppies and gumdrops--with sprinkles on top!


Anonymous said...

You're right. Your friend is addicted, and nobody can stop an addict except themselves.

The best way to help a person addicted to something is to not turn your back on them, but at the same time, don't come across as too caring either. Both ends of the spectrum just feeds their desires. Just be there when called upon. If not called upon, then you will learn the real truth about your friend.

jessica kiehn said...

Sounds to me like you have done everything you need to do as a friend. She knows better, you can bet that she knows better-yet she doesn't choose it. Let her know once and for all where you stand and then leave it alone. Give her her space and let her know you can't be friends and chummy with someone that chooses that lifestyle. After losing friend after friend, and the love and support from multiple people hopefully she'll wake up and snap out of it and change her ways. Until then...take one big step out of her life and let her do her own thing.

The Crazy Lady said...

I Love the house also - it is great, I think you should go for it.