bed time.

ben and i have a bedtime routine.
i tuck him under the covers, turn on his ceiling fan and turn on his music player.
he watches me closely as i quietly move around his room.
when everything is ready, i cuddle up next to him.

the warm early evening light shines through his curtains and his room glows a soft hazy blue.
he yawns a big yawn and smiles lazily at me.
oh my goodness, he has such twinkly eyes.
ben grabs my hand and puts it on top of his head.
he wants me to rub his hair. he loves it.
i stroke his head, combing his hair with my fingers.

he sinks deeper into his pillow.
he reaches for my hand and holds it tight.
he yawns again.
in one last attempt to stay awake, he pulls his chubby fingers out from under his covers and put his pointer finger on my mouth.
i kiss it and he giggles.
he does it again.
i kiss it again and he giggles, softly.
he yawns again.
one more kiss and this time he just grins at me.

the light in his room has turned darker now. the sun is setting fast.
he turns and rolls slightly onto his belly.
i know it won't be long now.
his eyes close and his breathing slows down into a quiet melodic rhythm.
i look down and notice that he is still holding my hand.

*********************

the other day i noticed someone found my blog by doing a google search for "down syndrome diagnosis scared"

when i read those words, i stopped dead in my tracks and held my breath.
my head started to swirl and my heart started to ache.

i wish with all my heart that the person who stumbled upon my blog left with hope--hope for their situation and hope for their future.

if they could have been in ben's room tonight and felt the love i felt, i know they would have been hopeful.
for this little boy has changed me forever.

how can i show them how wonderful it can be?