september 11th.

i spent the first few hours of my day glued to the tv, crying my eyes out.
remembering where i was on that day 10 years ago.

i was pregnant with josh, scared to death that my grief would cause another miscarriage.
i was sent home from work for my own security.
john and i watched tv for days on end.
we were waiting for the stories of search and rescue but sadly there were very few.
i remembered how i called all my friends from college, especially one working in manhattan at the time, and how i finally rested easy when i knew everyone was ok.
then late at night, my phone rang and the nightmare began again.
my best friend's college roommate was missing.
she worked in the north tower.
on the 100th floor.
no one had heard anything.
nothing.
a group of friends heading to the city to search.
all the hospitals.
emergency rooms.
triage.
makeshift medic stations.
nothing.
they made signs and hung them everywhere.
they searched and searched.
nothing.
jen would not come home.
my best friend would never be the same.
would any of us?
an act of hatred.
senseless.
i still shake my head in disgust, even as i write this.
the tears still fall so easily.
how can it be ten years already?