my valentines and prayers.

we made it through valentine's day.
not an easy task considering we made about 70 valentines.
thank goodness for pinterest--we shamelessly stole each and every idea and went with it.

we ended up ordering plastic bugs from oriental trading since i could not find any anywhere locally.
of course they were delivered at 4pm monday, just in time for the last minute push.

last night, this was the scene on the kitchen table.
valentine's explosion.
boom.

today we are scrambling to ready the house for some visitors.
john isn't feeling well and seems pretty miserable.
i feel so bad for him--no relief in sight.
and with family coming down, i pray he will feel better soon.

we've heard some tough news that adoptions may be temporarily suspended in eastern europe.
i still haven't heard any reports from our agency but i am crossing my fingers and toes that this doesn't affect us--in the back of my mind, i know better.
preparing for the worst...

all the while, i've been reading some heart-moving and heart-shocking posts about the silent mental institutions we like to pretend don't exist.
this is the fate of so many disabled children...and it is...well...through my tears, i am finding myself choking on the words that keep bubbling up.
it is
...
...
...
horrifying.
it makes me sick to read some of what i read and even sicker to know that it is real and true, not just some make-believe story.

it pushes me to tears, and rips my heart into pieces.
i keep thinking...yes, we just celebrated valentine's day, how nice for us and for the kiddos!
and i just spent how much?? money on candy and silliness.
shame on me.
there are children who need my money.
there are children who need your money.
money, because that is what will set these children free.
why don't i give more, why don't i give it all?

those valentines, that i slaved away on and took such selfish pride in, they really mean so little.
yes, they are nice, yes, they kids enjoyed them.
but tomorrow they will be thrown away and the candy will be gone.
and i am still left choking back the tears and anger of so many children (and adults) with disabilities that have no future.

i sure took a quick turn here, in this little post of mine, didn't i?
i can't apologize for that.
it is on my heart today, and showing up as reminders every where i look.

is it on your heart too?
how do we move forward from here?
i just don't know.
i turn to You, Lord, i am praying, continually praying.

perhaps a little bit of clarity may be found HERE.
this post may have not been written for me, but man, it sure feels like it.