another visit or two.

it was another cold and blustery day here.
john is sleeping well and i am not.
the jet lag is killer.
but we managed to make it to breakfast and order so it was a big success from the start of the day.
afterwards our driver picked us up and we drove to pick up the director of the orphanage.
it is considered a courtesy for the team to drive her back and forth while they are here, earning a little bonus points for us if you will.
our team here is fantastic.
we have really enjoyed meeting them and i think they genuinely care about and love what they do.
they told me that morally they get such satisfaction in their jobs and i think that is very admirable.

we made it to the orphanage and climbed past the kitchen again (stinky!) and up the stairs, but this time we stopped at a different door--davis' groupa's door.
i saw a worker come out and peered inside but i couldn't see any other children.
i was so hoping to recognize another face but no, not yet!

we continued to the same little room as yesterday and the director motioned for us to be extra quiet--a group of children were dressed up and practicing for a Christmas program.
we stood silently in the hallway lined with handmade paintings and drawings, and listened to the little voices singing and the piano playing.
i did get a chance later to sneak a peek out of our room to see them.
they were so sweet in their russian costumes, so happy and proud and chatty, but i didn't recognize any of their faces.


again the director brought davis to us and today he was dressed in shorts and tights and the same yellow sandals.
he seemed happy and alert and very giggly--so much more at ease with what was happening and so much more at ease with us.
he rode the rocking horse and laughed while daddy neighed and nuzzled his leg.
he played with the phone and loved the bright colors and sounds of wind chimes.
he looked at the photo book we brought and stared with such great concentration that it made me giggle.
he didn't want to explore too much, more content to do what we did the day before.
and we were absolutely happy to do that.

another worker came to see us and we didn't know who she was until much later in the day.
turns out she is the psychiatrist for the orphanage and she helps assess the children's progress.
part of me wonders if she was assessing me the whole time...hmm.

after the morning visit, we came home and slept for a few hours.
like i said earlier, jetlag is not nice to us.
we woke up just in time to get ready to return to the orphanage again for our afternoon visit.
the ride there and the walk to the visiting rooms are both starting to feel common now and i can tell that i am much more relaxed and at ease with everything.
i am still very anxious to see davis but the surroundings are starting to feel normal-ish.

for the afternoon visit we were asked to stay in the director's office.
our team worked at the long conference table while we played with davis.
there was a flurry of visitors in the office: the director, the social worker, other caregivers, the psychiatrist, another couple visiting (they sounded italian maybe?), etc.
and you would think that all of those people would be a distraction but no.
we were in our own little world, playing and giggling and giving kisses.

i must have kissed that little boy a thousand times or more today and with each one, i could tell he felt more and more comfortable.
there was a point in our visit where he was squealing with laughter and giggling so hard i thought they would tell us to be quiet!
he has such a good laugh!
he is also very good at imitating and repeating things--not verbally so much, but with faces and gestures...it's hilarious.

again, we played with the rocking horse and the phone but this time i sat him in my lap for most of the visit.
he hugged me and snuggled me, and oh boy, was i in heaven.
honestly, i felt a little bad for john because really this visit was for me.
davis and i, well, i felt like he gave me a Christmas present today the way he loved on me and let me love on him.
i felt as if i could just scoop him up and run out of that place and never look back.
i even whispered to john, "if we left now, i just know we'd be ok."
and he smiled because he felt the same way too.

these children, oh i just want to explain to you all how much these children need families.
i wish you all could be with me, sitting on the office floor, holding this tiny boy in my arms and feeling such urgency to free him.
and i know it's all cliche sounding but truly, the orphanage director told us herself.
children belong in families, not in orphanages.
they have the potential to grow in ways they just cannot here.
these are her words, not mine.
i, of course, couldn't agree more.
john asked her if she thought davis had the potential to do well in a family.
and her immediate response was of course.
she knows and understands and wishes there were more they could do but unfortunately the orphan situation has gotten out of control.
children belong in families.
period.

so after my sweet, sweet boy was whisked away from me today, we drove back to the hotel in silence.
our hearts hurt.
we know we have to leave him at the end of the week and it's painful, real aching pain.
but for now, we know we have tomorrow and the next day too, and it is with hopeful and happy hearts that we rejoice for the time together.
our Lord is so good.
all the time, in all circumstances, no matter what.

and without further adieu, some more pictures of our day.
you'll notice i'm sure that davis is wearing the same outfit as yesterday in the afternoon photos.
and again, those girly yellow sandals.
:)

p.s. please forgive my hat/hair situation.
my hairdryer is fried and it was crazy cold.
so my head looks like a jelly fish.
no big deal.