Monday, May 16, 2011

this is hard.

every day, i open my google reader account and browse through my favorite blogs.
i run through the list to see what catches my eye.
some are decorating blogs, some are foodie blogs, some from other down syndrome families, some other families adopting, some just a little bit of everything.

as i search through the blog titles, i find myself rushing to all the adoption blogs.
i can't help it.
i am drawn to them like a moth to a flame.

i find myself daydreaming about davis all the time.
like when i lay on the couch, curled up with anna, talking about our weekend.
i wonder, "will davis want to cuddle with me? does he have a caregiver who gives him attention like this? will he love being loved?"

like when i make lunch for the kiddos.
"will davis eat this? has he ever drank milk before? what is his favorite food?"

like when i fold the huge pile of clothes in the laundry room.
"i wonder what size clothes davis wears? will he be as big as ben? will they be able to share clothes? will he like this cute tee shirt?"

like when i make ben's bed and clean up his room.
"will davis need a crib? or will he sleep in a bed too? how should i rearrange the furniture in here? will ben like having a brother to sleep in his room with him? how will our sleep patterns change when davis comes home?"

like when i watch john and ben playing basketball in the driveway.
"will davis be able to walk? will he like to watch the other boys and chase the ball too? will davis giggle like ben?"

so many thoughts, so many daydreams, so many prayers running through my mind like a ticker tape.

it seems so hard to get anything done.
my mind is with him.
it's harder than i thought it would be.
and i haven't even gotten to the really hard part yet.


Kimberlee said...

Sounds like love to me! :)

Kayla said...

That is what I thought, too, Kimberlee! THat is momma love talking!

Danielle said...

Just take it one day at a time:) God will give you the grace you need just when you need it. He has already gone before you and prepared the way. And we will hold hands and skip through it together. Love ya!

...Nancy said...

the 4 words that got me: "when Davis comes home". Home. Let's bring that baby home to his loving family! Let me know where I can help. :-)

Chrissie Grace said...

It's like being pregnant...when you wonder all about the baby you are carrying inside you...and what they will be like.
Even though you aren't pregnant, you are growing Davis in your heart.
I'm so excited FOR you :). Hes a lucky little boy!

meg duerksen said...

you sound like his mama!

Lisa said...

I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. Sweet surprises of all kinds await you around the bend. My little surprise is up late tonight, on her first night of Summer vacation (from preschool), dancing in the family room with her siblings. My heart is full. Your pieces will come together and you will all be together before you know it. LOVE & HUGS to you. xoxoxoxo