i have approximately 5,674 thoughts a minute.
i want to adopt 10 children,
i want to buy a new house,
i want to redo my bedroom,
i want to paint the bathroom,
i want to finish reading the book 7,
i want a cup of coffee,
i want to trust in God's plan,
i want to lose 30 pounds,
i want to clean out the refrigerator,
i want to go on a trip,
i want to stay in bed,
i want to know why we haven't heard anything from davis' region yet,
i want to watch a movie,
i want new fall clothes,
i want to go to sleep.
i have stopped writing on this blog too often because i know people don't come here to listen to me complain.
but that's all i seem to do lately.
and frankly, i'm sick of me.
so you must be too.
i understand and i'm sorry.
truth is i still don't have any good news to share with you..
we still aren't sure what's going to happen with our adoption.
word is that his parents have not signed relinquishment papers allowing us to move forward.
it's been months now.
our paperwork is expiring, the costs are rising, more requirements are being levied upon us.
we are about 18 months into this process with no travel dates in sight.
we may have to make a decision soon...how long do we wait? how long do we stay in limbo?
i feel paralyzed.
part of me wants to let go and move forward with our lives.
part of me wants to keep going for his sake.
part of me wants to move on and accept a different referral.
part of me wants to crawl under my blankets and cry for a week straight.
ALL of me is dying to understand, to comprehend, to wrap my head around the fact why this is still happening and why he is not in our arms.
trying to figure out things that you may never, ever know is exhausting.
eventually weariness sets in.
you can only tread water for so long before you sink to the bottom...
guys, please pray.
i know i've asked you to do this twenty, if not a hundred, times.
but these are little lives we're talking about here.
real children with real dire realities.
and i just...well, i just...i just don't know what is going to happen.