Saturday, July 20, 2013

july. marching on.


this is hard.
i want to keep on blogging but it feels forced and uncomfortable.
i wish things were different, that davis was home, that it all worked out and i could write to you all exclaiming the happy news and we could move on happily and easily.
and the writing would feel easy and sharing my thoughts would come freely and openly, like they used to.
but sometimes life isn't easy, is it?
and neither is writing.
but i'm not ready to give up just yet.

 time is certainly helping.
it is a healer of sorts, time is, helping me forget the painful details and move forward with the other things that need my focus.
time marches forward like a soldier, on to the next orders, the next demand, on to the next day, never looking back.
it is relentless.

i have no idea how it is nearing the end of july already.
wasn't it just may?
nevertheless, we are gearing up for the start of school and the return of a more structured schedule.
new backpacks showed up in my mailbox this week and football cleats are tops on the to-do list.
practices are starting, back to school emails floating, summer reading books started.
it'll be here before you know it.
before i know it.

we escaped to the gulf again last weekend.
we are madly in love with our home and our dock and all of it.
truth:  i have never felt relaxed on vacation before. 
sad, but true.
i am a homebody and maybe a clean freak, i don't know.
but having my own place, my own bed, my own sofa, my own just helps calm me.
and i can enjoy the house and the beach like i haven't ever been able to before, surrounded by our own stuff.
it's very much an awesome thing.

at the beach house, i changed out a few plates, hung up a new piece of art and even made plans to revamp our outside shower. 
it's like the old me is still in there, slowly working her way back to the surface for a breath or two.

back at our regular ol' house, i am working on changing our bedroom.
we painted (my mother's day gift), i bought a few new pillow shams, a new (very old) painting, curtains, etc.
it's coming together and i think i like it.
furniture is soooo expensive.
pisses me off actually.
so i can only change the cheap stuff but it does make a big difference.

josh is becoming quite the fisherman.
he lives, eats, breathes, fishing.
it's awesome.
anna is into bracelet making and drawing and painting and front handsprings.
it's awesome too.
ben is into dancing and jumping and running and basketball and baseball and volley ball and swimming's tiring.
but awesome.

we are good.
we are still here and all is well.
i've missed this place.
i've missed my blog friends.
it's nice to see you again.


Tara said...

Nice to "see" you! :) Your beach home looks lovely. I laughed at your stack of books...I have almost all of them!

stephanie said...

I check in almost every day. Such a fun suprise this evening to see that you had written. Your room looks lovely! Happy that your heart is starting to heal....takes time, thats for sure.

{cuppakim} said...

its good to see you too. :)
post as you please. we'll be here when you have time. :)
super big hugs to you, Amy!
that beach house gig is a dream.

Lori McDonough said...

Have missed you, too, my friend. Keeping you and your sweet little family in my daily prayers. Love your bedroom and your bravery. Hugs to you! xo

Anonymous said...

Hi Amy,

I think of Elden often and when I do, my mind drifts to Davis, Isaac, and others around the same age. I check your blog regularly for updates and am glad to see you posting, even sporadically.

Sue H.

Kate Eschbach said...

I'm so glad to see you. So very glad! You take your time and know that you are loved - where you are and just as you are.

meg duerksen said...

miss you too.
i have a lot of the same thoughts you shared here...

J said...

Love you girl! <3 Love reading your words. xoxo

Rafael said...


hannah singer said...

love you, dear amy!
grateful for your words here.
grateful for YOU. xo