july. marching on.

 

this is hard.
i want to keep on blogging but it feels forced and uncomfortable.
i wish things were different, that davis was home, that it all worked out and i could write to you all exclaiming the happy news and we could move on happily and easily.
and the writing would feel easy and sharing my thoughts would come freely and openly, like they used to.
but sometimes life isn't easy, is it?
and neither is writing.
but i'm not ready to give up just yet.

 time is certainly helping.
it is a healer of sorts, time is, helping me forget the painful details and move forward with the other things that need my focus.
time marches forward like a soldier, on to the next orders, the next demand, on to the next day, never looking back.
it is relentless.

 

i have no idea how it is nearing the end of july already.
wasn't it just may?
nevertheless, we are gearing up for the start of school and the return of a more structured schedule.
new backpacks showed up in my mailbox this week and football cleats are tops on the to-do list.
practices are starting, back to school emails floating, summer reading books started.
it'll be here before you know it.
before i know it.

we escaped to the gulf again last weekend.
we are madly in love with our home and our dock and all of it.
truth:  i have never felt relaxed on vacation before. 
sad, but true.
i am a homebody and maybe a clean freak, i don't know.
but having my own place, my own bed, my own sofa, my own silverware...it just helps calm me.
and i can enjoy the house and the beach like i haven't ever been able to before, surrounded by our own stuff.
it's very much an awesome thing.

at the beach house, i changed out a few plates, hung up a new piece of art and even made plans to revamp our outside shower. 
it's like the old me is still in there, slowly working her way back to the surface for a breath or two.

back at our regular ol' house, i am working on changing our bedroom.
we painted (my mother's day gift), i bought a few new pillow shams, a new (very old) painting, curtains, etc.
it's coming together and i think i like it.
furniture is soooo expensive.
pisses me off actually.
so i can only change the cheap stuff but it does make a big difference.

josh is becoming quite the fisherman.
he lives, eats, breathes, fishing.
it's awesome.
anna is into bracelet making and drawing and painting and front handsprings.
it's awesome too.
ben is into dancing and jumping and running and basketball and baseball and volley ball and swimming and...it's tiring.
but awesome.

we are good.
we are still here and all is well.
i've missed this place.
i've missed my blog friends.
it's nice to see you again.
:)